Coming soon to a theater near you, a group of men....
Call them out of shape...
Call them out of practice...
Call them out of control...
Just don't call them, out of tune
The Replacements: DoneDolla Edition
1. Show Me Your TD's (2-0) Daniel G. starring as Shane Falco
That's right! I believe I would be the starring role in this movie! I came into this league, replacing one of two teams from last year, and already causing a ruckus. After 2 weeks, I believe I have proven myself that my team is strong. I have comfortably won both of my games and 1 point shy of scoring most total points (Darrin is top scorer). My running backs are strong, and it doesn't hurt to have Jimmy Graham and Cordarrelle Peterson on your team either. However, my biggest weakness is my fear of "quicksand". For those of you who don't know what that is, let me remind you... (There are Spanish subtitles for those who can't speak English)
Like I said, my team is looking real good! However if one of my players gets hurt or when we enter the bye weeks, I will definitely be in trouble because my bench is weak. Besides Phillip River's Touchdown clinic last week, my bench scored a total of 8 POINTS! So I'm hoping my team remains healthy and my bench steps it up or else I will dig myself into a big hole where I can't move or breathe...like "quick sand"
Jamal Jackson voice in background: "That's some deep shit, Shane. Real deep.
2. NoShoeNoShirtNoDice (2-0) Daniel B. as Brian Murphy
Brian Murphy is the talented football player, but there's only one problem with him...he's deaf! That's how I feel about Daniel. During our draft, I don't recall him talking at all. I honestly don't remember what he looks like. I just remember someone getting there on time, then simply closing his laptop and walking out the door after the last pick of the draft. He rarely writes/responds to any group texts or message boards which frightens me! He is the other team that has been cruising to a 2-0 record.
Daniel also has a great running back core which consists of Beast Mode and Foster. I have a few concerns with his wide receivers and his QB situation. Vincent Jackson has been playing like shit, but he has been matched up with some good defenses so I'll give him another week to prove himself. I have never been a big fan of "The Captain Comeback" as a fantasy owner. I believe he is inconsistent and Bears showed on Sunday night what a little pass rush can do to him. Hey I could be wrong about his team. If you recall, Shane Falco threw the game winning touchdown to Brian Murphy at the end of the movie (who saw that coming?). Maybe we will see Daniel celebrating his touchdown as DoneDolla champion.
3. Chrisbrownhititfirst (1-1) Darrin as Clifford Franklin
Clifford Franklin, the loudmouth, is the stockboy at the mini market. He can outrun his opponents but can't catch the football. Darrin, perhaps one of the fastest men in the world after claiming to run a 40 yd dash in 4.12 sec, is the perfect role for Clifford Franklin because he is somewhat the loudmouth of the league. He was so upset and quiet after a tough loss, and now louder than ever with a surprising victory which he should be! As I stated before, he has scored the most total points in DoneDolla league. Where he stands today is similar to a particular scene in the movie where he is gloating after catching two touchdowns with the help of illegal sticky substance.
Darrin wasn't really known for catching "wins" the past season and it was probably due to poor decision making. I feel everyone has questioned his decisions more than once. For instance, I was told how he drafted Quinton Patton in the early rounds claiming that he just stole the draft, but then dropping him shortly after. He did it again this year when he called and woke me up in the early morning. He informed me that I should give up on the season because he picked up Ryan Mallet, in which he dropped the very next day due to his remembrance that he owned Russel Wilson. Finally, this past week he made "the trade" with Jin Woo. Most of us did not want it to go through, but still did and Darren has benefited from it. As a result, he caught his first win with the help of the "illegal insider trade" (stated by Arman). Did Darren finally make a good decision? It looks so since both running backs have produced well the past couple of weeks and we will find out how long they will keep this up. He outran his opponents from 8th place to 3rd place and we will see if he can catch his second win against "Brian Murphy" this week.
4. FukHerRightNthePussy (1-1) Zeke as Daniel Bateman
Daniel Bateman is a reserved, almost reticent man during normal interaction with people, but when placed in an adversarial situation, goes completely berserk, particularly if he sees the color red. Zeke showed this type of behavior the past couple of weeks. Zeke was calm and somewhat quiet after loosing in Week 1. However, when he knew that he was playing Arman this past week, he definitely saw the color red.
Zeke is coming off a big win with the help of Aaron Rodgers (still can't believe he was a 3rd round pick) and NE defense. Julio Jones had a well productive day too. He's been praising about his TE, Zach Ertz, ever since the draft and he is completely been right so far. Zeke should be really concerned about Shane Vereen who had 6 carries compared to Ridley who had 25 carries! Zeke also should pray that Kirk Cousins can still get the ball to Garcon, since RG3 got bit with the injured a bug. (Garcon had 1 reception for 12 yds). Overall, Zeke's team can explode at any time.
P.S- I love you xoxo
5. Romo U SUCK!!! (1-1) 6. Beats by Ray (1-1) Rob and Tim as "The Jackson Brothers"
Andre and Jamal Jackson are former offensive linemen turned bodyguards and it's pretty obvious why Rob and Tim are the best people to play the role of the brothers. They both are always calm and cool because they know they are the biggest, strongest, and can physically kick all of our asses. I have never seen them upset and I really hope it stays that way. Both of their teams are very similar to one another like siblings. For example, both of their teams have the best QBs in the game. No one ever wants to play against Peyton Manning or Drew Brees. Second, both of their starting 3 receivers have a combined points of almost exactly 50 points! Finally, they both experience the injury plague this past week with Rob losing Desean Jackson (injury doesn't seem too serious) and Tim losing Jamaal Charles and Knowshon Moreno. They both will be trying to climb up the ranks, but I will be so sad when they split up from one another. :(
7. Hit The Switch (1-1) Arman as Eddie Martel
Eddie Martel...the spoiled rotten, arrogant football player who happens to be a 2x Super Bowl champion. Basically, he is the antagonist of the movie and there couldn't be a more perfect role for Arman than this one. Joining this league, I had to be reminded by him, numerous times, that he is also a 2x Fantasy Football Champion. I believe that everyone loves to see him lose and everyone would be happy with a 1-12 record, as long as the win was against Arman. But hey, give credit to where it's due. He is a 2x fantasy football champion and is allowed to talk as much shit as he wants. However, I wasn't in the league, so he is no champion in my eyes. I respect him as a fantasy owner and a competitor, but I'm sorry, I'm going to park my black truck into your parking spot. (referring to the movie...not a sexual reference)
As stated before, Arman shouldn't have wore his red collard shirt on Sunday because he got tackled and his head banged multiple times on the bar top by Zeke while he screamed to him "Who's your daddy!?" The main reason he lost was his quarterback. After having a great game in Week 1, Matty Ice did the complete opposite in week 2 throwing 3 interceptions compared to Aaron Rodgers (who Arman thinks is garbage) that threw 3 TDs. Like Zeke said, it's still difficult to determine which Matt we are going to see. His running backs are solid and wide receivers are decent. By the looks of his starting lineup, we will finally see the fantasy debut of Sammy Watkins this week! I plan to see Arman move up the ranks.
8. Elevator Sleepers (1-1) Jin Woo as Jumbo Fumiko
Clearly since Jumbo was the only Asian guy on the team, this had to be Jin. Jumbo was the big and powerful lineman and literally blasted through anyone who got in his way. That's exactly what Jin did in week 1 where he scored the most points that week and possible the season with 169.56 points. I honestly believe his team was the best. However, we know what happened as the week went by (check out Arman's post for more detail). I don't think I have ever seen someone scored possibly the all-time high to possibly the all-time low (45.80) in back to back weeks. I heard that he forgot to update his team, but that is still no excuse. As of matter of fact, he was at the bar with Zeke and I and could've updated his team there. Either that or simply wake up early. There's a particular scene in the movie, where Jumbo surprisingly catches the ball and is scared shitless.
That's how I feel about Jin. The ball was in his hands and I believe he had control over the league. Instead of running into the DoneDolla endzone, he kept yelling "Oh shit! Oh shit" and fell down. The good news is that AP is back and Jay Cutler is super hot right now, even though he's my most hated player ever since the bronco days.
Different movie, but this is how I feel about Jay Cutler.
9. Cleveland Steamers (0-2) Trevor as Nigel "The Leg" Gruff
The Welsh soccer player. No, Trevor doesn't play soccer but hockey is his main sport. I believe if we were playing fantasy hockey, we would all getting slap shotted across the face by him, giving him the name "The Stick". Nigel has the tendency to smoke and has a crippling gambling addiction as well. Let's be honest, Trevor would be the one smoking on the field and probably has wasted all his money on FanDuel by now.
Trevor is 0-2, but we all know that he doesn't deserve to be. Both of his games were heartbreaking as he scored the second highest points in week 1, but just happened to play Jin that week. The second game was no better as he lost his star receiver, A.J Green. I love Matt Stafford, which I'm still regretting of choosing Killa Cam over Stafford. Yes I know you're 0-2, but don't worry at all! Regular season doesn't matter anyways, just get 6th place and you'll be fine. Right, guys?
10. Rainbow Warriors (0-2) Andrew as "Walter Cochran"
Andrew was tough because I couldn't relate any character to him, but I chose to go with Walter. He is a firm believer of God. He played in the pros for 1 year and never scored a TD cause he blew out his knee. So all he wants to do is score a touchdown. Now I don't know Andrew's religious views but definitely didn't choose him to play Walter cause of his beliefs. I feel all Andrew wants in this league is to be competitive and earn respect.
First and foremost, let's talk about Andrew's first pick of the draft, Andrew Luck. Now when he announced his pick, I literally looked around the room to see where Ashton Kutcher was hiding. After that, I didn't respect him at all. I only thought that Luck was a good pick at the time only because there were more good players for me to choose from now. After week 2, I think Luck was a solid pick! He is probably the number one QB in fantasy right now. So I tip my hat off to you. C.J Spiller is healthy and looking great, but how far will that last? Trent is splitting the same carries with Bradshaw so either one might go off or might not. I don't really like his receivers besides Dez. We will see if can also get a W week 3.
So now you know the role that you will be playing in this movie. So get out there and try to "SURVIVE"!!
-Daniel-
